Borrowed Lives: Why Courage, Love, and Meaning Must Be Lived

The Silver Screen

Movies speak to me.
They always have, and I suspect they always will.

Stories find us when we stand at the edge of something costly. They slip past our defenses and give us language for courage before we know how to live it. They remind us of truths we already carry but haven’t yet embodied.

There was a season of my life when I felt called to start a church in Martinsburg.

I didn’t arrive at that decision lightly. The call settled in slowly, steadily, with a weight that felt both sacred and terrifying. I believed it mattered. That it could bring life. I also knew it would ask everything of me.

The opposition came quickly, and loudly.

People whose voices carried weight in my life told me I was too young. Too inexperienced. Too idealistic. Some questioned my readiness. Others questioned my wisdom outright. Safer paths appeared everywhere. Paths that promised stability, approval, and far less risk. Many of them labeled caution as maturity and called what I wanted to do reckless.

I listened and felt the weight of their disappointment.

Obedience cost me certainty, approval, and the comfort of being understood by people I loved.

And still, beneath all of it, I knew the direction I was facing was good.

The dream I carried mattered. It felt alive, charged with purpose and possibility. It was also costly and fragile, surrounded by far more ways to fail than to succeed.

The Silver Screen

The dream mattered, and I felt the cost of it in my bones.
One night, a story met me there.

I watched The Lord of the Rings.

Near the end of The Two Towers, Frodo Baggins reaches the end of his strength. The road exhausts him. The burden crushes him. He doesn’t offer a speech or a plan. He simply tells the truth:

“I can’t do this, Sam.”

No strategy.
No resolve.
Just honesty.

And Samwise Gamgee; faithful, stubborn Sam, doesn’t minimize the weight they carry. He doesn’t argue Frodo out of his exhaustion. Instead, he talks about the stories they used to read. The great ones. The kind filled with darkness and danger. Stories where people had every reason to turn back, but didn’t.

Sam reminds Frodo that those stories mattered because the people inside them kept going. They held on to something larger than themselves.

Frodo listens, then asks the question that opens everything:

“What are we holding on to, Sam?”

Sam answers with words I’ve carried for more than fifteen years:

“There’s some good in this world… and it’s worth fighting for.”

That moment steadied me like a hand on my back at the edge of a climb.

It didn’t give me certainty.
It didn’t promise success.
But it gave me courage.

That scene didn’t fix my circumstances. The vision I stepped toward didn’t unfold the way I hoped. The dream itself never fully came to be.

But I changed.

That night taught me something I’ve carried on every trail since:

Courage doesn’t depend on outcomes.
Courage begins when we step forward without clarity.

I stepped out in faith.
I tried something hard.
I risked failure.

And even though the summit I imagined never materialized, I came back down the mountain a different man than the one who started the climb.

When Stories Help Us Live and When They Replace Living

That scene mattered because it didn’t invite me to stay seated.
It pushed me to move.

At their best, stories don’t replace our lives, they are designed to wake us up to them. They give us language for courage before we have practice. They help us imagine lives we haven’t yet learned how to inhabit.

Psychologist Dan McAdams explains that human beings construct identity through story. We don’t just consume narratives, we use them to shape who we believe we are and who we’re becoming. But stories only shape us when we live them. Otherwise, they inform us without transforming us.

Somewhere along the way, something shifted.

Many of us no longer visit stories and return changed.
We linger. Doom Scroll. Stay Still.

Borrowing Feelings Instead of Living Them

If we’re honest, we already know this pattern.

When we want to feel loved, we don’t always risk intimacy; we watch The Notebook. We let someone else’s devotion wash over us. We borrow tenderness without exposing our own hearts.

When we want to feel brave, we don’t always step into danger; we watch Saving Private Ryan. We sit safely while courage unfolds on screen. We feel stirred, without paying the cost of action.

And when we want to feel wise, we read books or watch psychological thrillers. We solve the mystery before the reveal. We enjoy the feeling of insight without wrestling with the ambiguity and patience our own lives require.

Nothing about this is wrong.

Stories have always helped us access and recognize what feels distant (love, courage, wisdom) before we know how to practice them ourselves.

The trouble begins when watching replaces walking.
When reading replaces living.
When recognition substitutes for integration.

The Rise of the Spectator Life

Our lives aren’t boring.
They’re overmanaged.

We optimize for safety, minimize risk. We curate appearances, and manage outcomes. Over time, we stop inhabiting our own stories.

Psychologist Albert Bandura showed that observation is meant to lead to action. When people repeatedly watch without acting, their sense of agency erodes. They don’t just fail to grow, they begin to doubt they can.

Screens accelerate that erosion.

They offer experience without exposure.
Emotion without accountability.
Insight without embodiment.

They let us study the map in exquisite detail; without ever tightening our boots or feeling the climb.

The Quiet Cost of Living Vicariously

This cost doesn’t announce itself.
It accumulates.

When we watch courage instead of practicing it, fear grows stronger.
When we admire love instead of risking connection, loneliness deepens.
When we consume wisdom instead of living it, life turns abstract.

Trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk reminds us that insight alone doesn’t change us. The body has to participate. Meaning has to be practiced.

Our nervous systems grow skilled at observation
and clumsy at participation.

We quote the lines.
We remember the scenes.
But our lives remain untouched.

Why It’s So Hard to Look Away

This isn’t a moral failure.
It’s biology.

Psychiatrist Anna Lembke shows how constant novelty hijacks the brain’s reward system. Depth begins to feel dull. Patience feels unbearable. Author Cal Newport argues that constant stimulation doesn’t destroy meaning; it destroys our attention for it. Without anchor points (quiet, grounding practices) we drift from one stimulation to the next, mistaking motion for meaning.

In that environment, real life can feel slow, even when it’s sacred.

Stories Are Meant to Be Integrated

This isn’t just about movies.
It’s about books, too.

Stories aren’t the problem.
They’re one of the primary ways human beings learn how to live.

We borrow vision from them before we have our own. We rehearse meaning in imagination before we attempt it in the body.

But stories were never meant to remain external.

They are meant to be integrated.

What we see on the screen and read on the page should shape how we see the world, how we choose, how we relate, how we live.

A story that moves us but never changes us hasn’t finished its work. For me, integration often begins on paper. Slowing down long enough to trace where a story stirred me and where my life still needs to catch up.

From Insight to Integration

Insight doesn’t transform us.
Integration does.

Integration happens when:

• love we admire becomes love we risk
• courage we applaud becomes courage we practice
• wisdom we recognize becomes wisdom we live

Not all at once.
Not perfectly.

But step by step.
Choice by choice.
Trail by trail.

Leaving the Theater, Entering the World

I’m grateful for the stories that shaped me. I carry many of them like trail markers; quiet reminders of who I want to be when the road gets hard.

But stories were never meant to replace our lives.

They were meant to send us back into them.

You weren’t created to watch love.
You were created to risk it.

You weren’t made to observe bravery from a seat.
You were made to practice it; with shaking hands and steady resolve.

The world doesn’t need more spectators.

It needs people willing to put the phone down, close the book, shoulder their packs, step onto uncertain trails, and live as if there really is some good in this world…

and as if it’s worth fighting for.