Some Storms You Don’t See Coming
We had barely made it through the gates of Busch Gardens when the skies turned. The kids and I had planned for a day packed with thrill rides, laughter, and all the sugary snacks. But within 45 minutes, thunder rolled in and the rides shut down. Still hopeful, we grabbed snacks and tried to wait it out, but then came the downpour. Torrential. Our day at the park? Washed away, quite literally.
We were soaked. Disappointed. Frustrated.
But I remember the laughter, too. How we finally gave in to the ridiculousness of it all and danced through puddles on the way back to the car. It wasn’t the day we planned, but it became a different kind of memory.
Not every change in plans ends in laughter. Some moments are heavier.
A few weeks ago, I had promised my daughter a special date night. Just the two of us, something simple but meaningful. When we were gearing up to go, a migraine hit like a microburst. Sudden, overwhelming, and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I had to lie down, unable to speak or move without pain. Her disappointment was quiet but unmistakable, written in the way she lingered; unsure whether to hope or let go.
In moments like this, I realize parenting isn’t about perfect plans, it’s about how we handle the unexpected detours. As painful as the headache was, my heart broke even more for Ella as she sat quietly in her disappointment, trying to understand something that didn’t feel fair.
The Challenge of Broken Promises in Parenting with Presence
When we can’t follow through on our commitments, our children feel it deeply. It can shake their trust in us and in the reliability of the world around them. Yet, this is also a critical opportunity. How we respond to broken promises teaches them about resilience. It teaches them about emotional safety and the human capacity to repair relationships.
For more on building resilience in children and parents, see Between the Ridges : What a mountain taught me about resilience, reactivity, and raising strong-hearted kids.
The Science of Rupture and Repair
One thing I’ve learned in parenting: it’s not about perfection, it’s about presence and progress. Attachment theory reminds us that strong relationships aren’t built by getting it right every time. They are built by how we show up when we don’t. Research shows us that trust grows in the moments we repair; when we circle back, acknowledge the hurt, and reconnect with care. That’s where the real work, and authentic relationships are built.
“The key to raising resilient children is not about avoiding distress—but helping them navigate it.”
Dr. Daniel J. Siegel
This process shows children that while life is unpredictable, people can be counted on to come back, to say “I’m sorry,” and to make things right.
Parenting with Integrity When Plans Change
Here’s what I’ve learned about handling these messy moments with my kids:
- Be Honest and Apologize
It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry I can’t keep this plan today.” Honest words validate their feelings and model accountability. - Validate Their Emotions
Let them know it’s okay to feel disappointed, frustrated, or sad. Naming emotions helps kids process and move through them. - Model Emotional Regulation
Show them how you manage your own feelings, whether it’s frustration, guilt, or sadness without shutting down or blaming. - Create “Make-Up” Rituals
When possible, plan a new activity or special time together as a way to repair the disruption. This reinforces that your relationship is bigger than one missed plan.
The Bigger Lesson in Parenting with Presence
Life won’t always go as planned, our best-laid trails may get washed out, and unexpected storms will change our route. What truly matters is how we navigate the messiness. We should do so with honesty, humility, and a willingness to repair the trust that holds us together. Our kids don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who are present. Parents who show up even when things go wrong. Parents whose presence teach by example that relationships can bend without breaking.
“It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being present. Connection is what heals.”
Dr. Daniel J. Siegel
Reflection for Parents
- How do you handle it when you can’t follow through with your kids?
- What messages do your words and actions send about reliability and repair?
- How can you use moments of disappointment as chances to deepen trust and connection?
Parenting is a journey of imperfect steps on a beautiful, unpredictable trail. When we learn to navigate the detours intentionally and with compassion, we teach our kids the true meaning of presence.
Helpful Resources
No-Drama Discipline
Daniel Siegel, M.D.
Tina Payne Bryson, PH. D.
The Power of Showing Up
Daniel Siegel, M.D.
Tina Payne Bryson, PH. D.
The Gifts of Imperfection
Brene Brown
The Whole-Brain Child
Daniel Siegel, M.D.
Tina Payne Bryson, PH. D.
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